I've been fighting off a sneaking realization for about 6 months now and today is the first day I've been able to admit it, I think I have post partum depression. I had a break down today and have decided to seek help. I don't trust anyone with my kids except me and I feel like I'm not strong enough for them.
My motivation:
In order to become stronger for my babies I have to take care of myself. Please do not judge me.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012
Thought For Friday.
"I will stop looking back with regrets... Or looking forward with fear... And give the best I have today."
•••This seemed beyond fitting for today. Brian and I are waiting to hear back on the apartment and I'm a bundle of nerves!! I need to accept that at this point it is out of our hands, we've done our part now it's time to sit back and wait it out. Life has been rough this yer and unfortunately it has put me in a negative mind frame. I have to remind myself that we got the car which I never thought would happen and maybe it's time that things are turning around. Things are going to start getting better because we can only go up from here. I used to be so optimistic before my mom got sick and I need to start working on getting back to that. I remind myself that I have a loving supportive husband, two amazing children and food on my plate. I am thankful.
•••This seemed beyond fitting for today. Brian and I are waiting to hear back on the apartment and I'm a bundle of nerves!! I need to accept that at this point it is out of our hands, we've done our part now it's time to sit back and wait it out. Life has been rough this yer and unfortunately it has put me in a negative mind frame. I have to remind myself that we got the car which I never thought would happen and maybe it's time that things are turning around. Things are going to start getting better because we can only go up from here. I used to be so optimistic before my mom got sick and I need to start working on getting back to that. I remind myself that I have a loving supportive husband, two amazing children and food on my plate. I am thankful.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Cancer Outcome
Hey y'all! I just realized that I never updated about my cancer after my surgery!
•••I had to have 45% of my cervix removed and the results were semi clear margins which means they think they got it all but there's still a possibility that it will come back. Both of my pregnancies were high risk and full of bed rest due to preterm labor, so they said that if I were to get pregnant it would end up possibly harming me as well as that baby. Which is ok because Brian and I were done anyways. It's just kind of a shock at 23 to hear "you've survived cancer and are in remission but you can no longer have children." I want to thank my amazing husband, and all of my IG family or loving me through all of this! Please feel free I comment with any questions.
•••I had to have 45% of my cervix removed and the results were semi clear margins which means they think they got it all but there's still a possibility that it will come back. Both of my pregnancies were high risk and full of bed rest due to preterm labor, so they said that if I were to get pregnant it would end up possibly harming me as well as that baby. Which is ok because Brian and I were done anyways. It's just kind of a shock at 23 to hear "you've survived cancer and are in remission but you can no longer have children." I want to thank my amazing husband, and all of my IG family or loving me through all of this! Please feel free I comment with any questions.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Motivational Monday!
The good news:
•I am still at 130.4!
The not so good news:
•I have been there for 4 weeks!
I'm glad to know I'm not gaining weight and I am thankful to be down 28 pounds, but I'm still 5 pounds away from my goal. I've always heard the last 5 pounds is the hardest I lose and now I believe it. However I have noticed that I am feeling more comfortable in my body lately! I haven't been this small since probably about my sophomore year of high school and I would say that's an achievement.
My motivation for this week: the holidays are coming up and I know this is going to test my self control so my motivation this week is working hard so I can splurge on thanksgiving!
•I am still at 130.4!
The not so good news:
•I have been there for 4 weeks!
I'm glad to know I'm not gaining weight and I am thankful to be down 28 pounds, but I'm still 5 pounds away from my goal. I've always heard the last 5 pounds is the hardest I lose and now I believe it. However I have noticed that I am feeling more comfortable in my body lately! I haven't been this small since probably about my sophomore year of high school and I would say that's an achievement.
My motivation for this week: the holidays are coming up and I know this is going to test my self control so my motivation this week is working hard so I can splurge on thanksgiving!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Mind Tornado lol
Man oh man!! I feel like I've got a million things running through my mind at once!!
I'm really hoping we can get an apartment ASAP I love my brother and my sister in law to the stars and back, but I want my own home again. This living out of one bedroom thing has me wantin' to pull my hair out!! I want Taralyn to have her own place to play and I wanna get Bruce into his crib.
Another thing drivin' me nuts is the fact that my scale is packed! I know it sounds crazy but it's hard tryin' to lose weight and not knowin' if you are or not. I think I am . I'm wearin a size 5/6 and they don't stay up but a 3/4 is tooooo tight! Plus my ring has been slippin off my finger a lot. I won't get weighed again until the 25th and that seems so far away!! Oh and my gym doesn't have a scale! What kind of gym doesn't have a scale!?
Well at any rate, keep livin' life and lovin' the life you live ❥❥❥
I'm really hoping we can get an apartment ASAP I love my brother and my sister in law to the stars and back, but I want my own home again. This living out of one bedroom thing has me wantin' to pull my hair out!! I want Taralyn to have her own place to play and I wanna get Bruce into his crib.
Another thing drivin' me nuts is the fact that my scale is packed! I know it sounds crazy but it's hard tryin' to lose weight and not knowin' if you are or not. I think I am . I'm wearin a size 5/6 and they don't stay up but a 3/4 is tooooo tight! Plus my ring has been slippin off my finger a lot. I won't get weighed again until the 25th and that seems so far away!! Oh and my gym doesn't have a scale! What kind of gym doesn't have a scale!?
Well at any rate, keep livin' life and lovin' the life you live ❥❥❥
Sunday, September 9, 2012
What I Love About Sundays
Well today Hubby and I are going to go to Bass Pro Shops after the big kids get picked up, I don't mind staying with family but I can't wait to be back in our own place so I can start decorating the way I want. I think I have decided that I'm gonna make my own duvet cover because I can make it the way I want and it's so much cheaper.
On another note, I have decided to take control of my life. As of yesterday I decided to start a 365 day challenge. I want to become the best version of myself and to do that I have set daily goals to help with that. I tried explaining it to hubby and he was confused lol. So I am going to take him to our park tonight to better explain it. I will start to embrace who I am and learn to love myself again. I can't wait!!
On another note, I have decided to take control of my life. As of yesterday I decided to start a 365 day challenge. I want to become the best version of myself and to do that I have set daily goals to help with that. I tried explaining it to hubby and he was confused lol. So I am going to take him to our park tonight to better explain it. I will start to embrace who I am and learn to love myself again. I can't wait!!
"Take a walk down a back road,Tackle box and a cane pole;Carve our names in that white oak,An' steal a kiss as the sun fades,That's what I love about Sunday" -Craig Morgan, What I Love About Sunday
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