Feeling Gloomy On a Sunny Day

I'm having kind of a hard day today. I see all these amazing mommas gettin' BFP's and finding out genders etc. And although Brian and I are done and we were planning on being done, a little piece of my heart breaks knowing that because of the health issues I'm facing I can't have another baby even of we wanted to. Ill never again face the excitement of a BFP or finding out if its a boy or girl...
I am so beyond thankful that I got to at least have my girl and my boy. I am also very excited for my mommas getting to go through those experiences and I have learned to count my blessings. However there are still days that its just hard.

Just A Quick Hello!

He ya'll, so I have decided to make a Moby tutorial! It should be up tomorrow, we are going to shoot the video in the morning! As for now it is 11:37 pm here in the great state of Colorado and this momma is exhausted! Work has been very busy this past week. So much so that all my days are runnin together! Motivational Monday, Wordless Wednesday and Thought For Friday will all be back next week.

Also if you ever have any questions, comments or suggestions on articles you'd like to see please by all means comment below or feel free to email me!

Night Ya'll

Motivational Monday!

I've been fighting off a sneaking realization for about 6 months now and today is the first day I've been able to admit it, I think I have post partum depression. I had a break down today and have decided to seek help. I don't trust anyone with my kids except me and I feel like I'm not strong enough for them.

My motivation:
In order to become stronger for my babies I have to take care of myself. Please do not judge me.

Thought For Friday.

"I will stop looking back with regrets... Or looking forward with fear... And give the best I have today."
•••This seemed beyond fitting for today. Brian and I are waiting to hear back on the apartment and I'm a bundle of nerves!! I need to accept that at this point it is out of our hands, we've done our part now it's time to sit back and wait it out. Life has been rough this yer and unfortunately it has put me in a negative mind frame. I have to remind myself that we got the car which I never thought would happen and maybe it's time that things are turning around. Things are going to start getting better because we can only go up from here. I used to be so optimistic before my mom got sick and I need to start working on getting back to that. I remind myself that I have a loving supportive husband, two amazing children and food on my plate. I am thankful.

Cancer Outcome

Hey y'all! I just realized that I never updated about my cancer after my surgery!
•••I had to have 45% of my cervix removed and the results were semi clear margins which means they think they got it all but there's still a possibility that it will come back. Both of my pregnancies were high risk and full of bed rest due to preterm labor, so they said that if I were to get pregnant it would end up possibly harming me as well as that baby. Which is ok because Brian and I were done anyways. It's just kind of a shock at 23 to hear "you've survived cancer and are in remission but you can no longer have children." I want to thank my amazing husband, and all of my IG family or loving me through all of this! Please feel free I comment with any questions.

Wordless Wednesday

Motivational Monday!

The good news:
•I am still at 130.4!
The not so good news:
•I have been there for 4 weeks!

I'm glad to know I'm not gaining weight and I am thankful to be down 28 pounds, but I'm still 5 pounds away from my goal. I've always heard the last 5 pounds is the hardest I lose and now I believe it. However I have noticed that I am feeling more comfortable in my body lately! I haven't been this small since probably about my sophomore year of high school and I would say that's an achievement.

My motivation for this week: the holidays are coming up and I know this is going to test my self control so my motivation this week is working hard so I can splurge on thanksgiving!

Mind Tornado lol

Man oh man!! I feel like I've got a million things running through my mind at once!!

I'm really hoping we can get an apartment ASAP I love my brother and my sister in law to the stars and back, but I want my own home again. This living out of one bedroom thing has me wantin' to pull my hair out!! I want Taralyn to have her own place to play and I wanna get Bruce into his crib.

Another thing drivin' me nuts is the fact that my scale is packed! I know it sounds crazy but it's hard tryin' to lose weight and not knowin' if you are or not. I think I am . I'm wearin a size 5/6 and they don't stay up but a 3/4 is tooooo tight! Plus my ring has been slippin off my finger a lot. I won't get weighed again until the 25th and that seems so far away!! Oh and my gym doesn't have a scale! What kind of gym doesn't have a scale!?

Well at any rate, keep livin' life and lovin' the life you live ❥❥❥

What I Love About Sundays

Well today Hubby and I are going to go to Bass Pro Shops after the big kids get picked up, I don't mind staying with family but I can't wait to be back in our own place so I can start decorating the way I want. I think I have decided that I'm gonna make my own duvet cover because I can make it the way I want and it's so much cheaper.

On another note, I have decided to take control of my life. As of yesterday I decided to start a 365 day challenge. I want to become the best version of myself and to do that I have set daily goals to help with that. I tried explaining it to hubby and he was confused lol. So I am going to take him to our park tonight to better explain it. I will start to embrace who I am and learn to love myself again. I can't wait!!

"Take a walk down a back road,Tackle box and a cane pole;Carve our names in that white oak,An' steal a kiss as the sun fades,That's what I love about Sunday" -Craig Morgan, What I Love About Sunday 

Today Is A Good Day

Even though I'm sick as a dog lol! I've been at work since 10 and Brucey is still sleeping! Tired munchkin!

I was looking back at pictures today and I cannot believe that Taralyn will be 4 on the 27th! My baby has grown so much and is so amazing. She changed my life for the better and I will never be able to show her all of the love I have for her. She drives me crazy on a daily basis but I love her so much and she is worth every grey hair u will eventually have! <3

Ahhhh!!

Laying here in bed trying ti fight off this damn cold and it hit me, my surgery is less then a week away!! I'm really nervous and ready to get it over with. I've been put under before but the thought of it still makes me nervous. Day by day...

One Proud Mama

Bruce sat up all by himself unsupported for almost 10 minutes!!

I am so blessed to have 2 smart lil cookies!

T-Shirt Scarf

Courtesy of Pinterest 🙌

Steps:
1) Cut an old tshit at breast level.
2) Cut 2in tall strips at the bottom.
3) Gently pull on each strip to lightly stretch, if you pull to hard it will rip.

Brainstorming!!

Thanks to Pinterest I cannot wait to get back into our own home!! I have so many ideas for any place we move, we are at hubby's sister's house and they are in the process of finishing their basement, they put in their own built in shelves and it looks so good!

I have also already picked out our new bedding and what not! I'm so glad he's back working and making decent money!!

Maybe it's time things will start looking up!!

About This Mama

Thanks for checking out my blog! It will follow my life through the daily ups and downs. I currently have CIN 3, which is stage 3 precancerous cell growth on my cervix. I can do this...I can beat this. 

Ok now onto the fun stuff, I am the mama of two beautiful munchkins, Taralyn (3yr) and Bruce (3mo), and am the wife to the best man ever, Brian. I'm a tattooed, camo wearin, off road muddin, gun totin, kinda mama lol. I am very southern in case ya couldn't tell. More updates comin' soon!!

"Life is only as hard as you make it, convince yourself it's hard and it will be. Love every second of it and it will love you back."